No, it’s not the Christmas season. It’s the season of…
Remember all those months you spent gloating to the Northerners about how “horrible” the winter was down here in Florida. Seriously, they were getting slammed by 50 feet of snow, mind-numbing blizzards and freezing-cold temperatures. Their cars were running off the road and crashing, they were slipping on the ice and breaking bones and they were shoveling endless piles of snow all the time… And what were you doing???
You were laughing your devil laugh and posting pics on Facebook and Instagram of you on the beach in your bathing suit with an alcoholic drink in one hand and your sunscreen in the other. You had a foot in the sand and a foot on your beer cooler. You had on your shades, your sun hat and your snarky smile. Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!?!
Yeah, I know. I did, too!
Well Northerners, here’s your payback. This summer while you’re enjoying the great outdoors with backyard barbeques, baseball games, nature hikes and picnics in the park, we’ll be down here doing the following…
But alas Floridians, don’t fret because here are some great tips on what you can do this summer.
First, open the freezer door and stick your head in for few seconds.
Second, take your head out of the freezer, drive to your local grocery store and buy an 8-month supply of bagged ice, ice cream, frozen cakes and popsicles–you know it ain’t cooling down ’til January. Also, buy the largest watermelon you possible can, a carton of eggs and a spatula.
Third, on your way home stop somewhere and see if you actually can fry an egg on the sidewalk.
Lastly, when you get back home stick your head back in the freezer for a few seconds again, chop up your watermelon and dish up some ice cream. Pump up the air conditioning, unfurl your living room hammock and enjoy!
Summer is coming!
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