Florida weather report: Tis the season…

No, it’s not the Christmas season. It’s the season of…

Florida summer dogs

Remember all those months you spent gloating to the Northerners about how “horrible” the winter was down here in Florida. Seriously, they were getting slammed by 50 feet of snow, mind-numbing blizzards and freezing-cold temperatures. Their cars were running off the road and crashing, they were slipping on the ice and breaking bones and they were shoveling endless piles of snow all the time… And what were you doing???

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You were laughing your devil laugh and posting pics on Facebook and Instagram of you on the beach in your bathing suit with an alcoholic drink in one hand and your sunscreen in the other. You had a foot in the sand and a foot on your beer cooler. You had on your shades, your sun hat and your snarky smile. Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!?!

Yeah, I know. I did, too!

Well Northerners, here’s your payback. This summer while you’re enjoying the great outdoors with backyard barbeques, baseball games, nature hikes and picnics in the park, we’ll be down here doing the following…

But alas Floridians, don’t fret because here are some great tips on what you can do this summer.

First, open the freezer door and stick your head in for few seconds.

Second, take your head out of the freezer, drive to your local grocery store and buy an 8-month supply of bagged ice, ice cream, frozen cakes and popsicles–you know it ain’t cooling down ’til January. Also, buy the largest watermelon you possible can, a carton of eggs and a spatula.

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Third, on your way home stop somewhere and see if you actually can fry an egg on the sidewalk.

Lastly, when you get back home stick your head back in the freezer for a few seconds again, chop up your watermelon and dish up some ice cream. Pump up the air conditioning, unfurl your living room hammock and enjoy!

Summer is coming!

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9 comments

  1. As a former Northerner, even Westerner, I miss the changing seasons, especially the Fall. I was weatherman for 15 years so I know a thing or two about about the weather. Yes! As long as you don’t count to three or above.

    And I miss the mountains: Rockies, Appalachians and maybe some hills here and there. As far as the snow? Let it snow, let it snow!

    Florida? Many times, it’s a more scenic view when you stick your head in the FRIG or elsewhere!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol, that’s funny because I’m originally from the Pacific Northwest. I don’t miss it too much except for in the summer. I actually love Florida and I don’t even mind the heat that much but everyone else complains about it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I was raised in Northern Washington and I now live in Western Oregon. For those curious, it’s the same thing. Imagine for a moment what a guy like me would look like if he spent the summer in Florida?

    Yes, it would be ugly.

    The closest I came to Florida was Alabama but that was in October. I have a feeling if and when I visit your state it will be in the fall. Best to play it safe, don’t you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you don’t care for hot weather, yes… October through April isn’t too bad, although the first year I was here the highs stayed above 80 literally until a few days before Christmas. Luckily I like the warm weather. I adjusted pretty quick 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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